Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
