worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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