She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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