good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
