So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
