Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
