I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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