you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
