and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
