Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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