Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
