dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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