I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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