Say something about gay babies.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
