I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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