Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
