The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
