Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
