Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
