Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize