She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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