I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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