Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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