margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
