and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
