Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
