Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
