it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
