Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
