I want to have your abortion
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
