Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
