Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
