I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
