i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
