Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
