I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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