If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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