Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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