OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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