there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
