I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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