I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
