yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
