i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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