dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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