Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
