Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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