Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
