The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We're too hungover to prance.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
