I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
