the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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