what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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