you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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