i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
