he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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