using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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