forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
