Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
