Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
