No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
