Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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