Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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