I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
