would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my liver is dry heaving
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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