Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
