I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pants are for mortals
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
