Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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