my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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