Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need a beard to bite.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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