Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
