I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
