it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!