She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.