Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How drunk are you??
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?