Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???