Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

(248): View more from Michigan

hah, sarcasm, classic

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(212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v

Replies (10) Good night (2333) Bad night (783)
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(970): View more from Colorado

She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag

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(970): She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag http://tfl.nu/lpir

Replies (10) Good night (920) Bad night (2548) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

he thought i was a dude.

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(303): he thought i was a dude. http://tfl.nu/9d6g

Replies (28) Good night (603) Bad night (6903) Order T-Shirt
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(847): View more from Illinois

sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.

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(847): sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant. http://tfl.nu/gemh

Replies (15) Good night (851) Bad night (5766) Order T-Shirt
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.

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(704): Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes. http://tfl.nu/5rb1

Replies (50) Good night (6701) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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(778): View more from British Columbia

we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever

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(778): we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/5buf

Replies (8) Good night (3993) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
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(206): View more from Washington

dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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(206): dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement. http://tfl.nu/2u7j

Replies (29) Good night (2486) Bad night (4720) Order T-Shirt
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(816): View more from Missouri

Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.

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(816): Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink. http://tfl.nu/iqnv

Replies (3) Good night (2177) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

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(702): I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat. http://tfl.nu/7ors

Replies (13) Good night (4050) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
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(678): View more from Georgia

Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?

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(678): Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting? http://tfl.nu/j29m

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.

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(724): I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way. http://tfl.nu/vhtx

Replies (12) Good night (2028) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
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(217): View more from Illinois

If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know

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(217): If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know http://tfl.nu/k0hk

Replies (1) Good night (1232) Bad night (420)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.

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(443): I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley. http://tfl.nu/k95g

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(217): View more from Illinois

I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?

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(217): I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet? http://tfl.nu/vpwn

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(310): View more from California

I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.

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(310): I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there. http://tfl.nu/gafs

Replies (3) Good night (781) Bad night (231)

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