if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale